part of the list

I didnt want to be just another name you added to your list -.
I wanted to be much more .
I realized the way you treated me , the way you stared as if you could see through to my soul.
I belived you when you said " I love you " , it meant a lot at the time.
Remeber we walked hand in hand to my house , the hours we spent kissing under the stars?
But now i geuss it means nothing huh?
It took me weeks to get over you felt like years.
How'd you I let you into my heart ?
So foolishly I fell for you , mama never told me love can hurt so badly.
Now Im part of the list.
The first time i cried , you the second time brought relief but no tears fell.
But as the months go by I try my best to fight away that one brave soilder sitting at the edge of my eye waiting to reveal himself.
I geuss im not as tough as I used to be because that brave soilder won and rolled gently down my light brown cheek.
Before I knew it I was drowing in my own tears.
I didnt want to be just another name you added to your list , I wanted to be much more .

The first

"You never forget your first love even when your suppose to."
I can remember my first love because it wasn't that long ago when I fell in love with him.
thought about him everyday and everynight I close my eyes.
He's my night and shing armor.
As time pass I find it hard to forget him.
It's like apart of me just don't want to let him go but then again my heart says" it's for the best,"
He tells me he loves me then leaves like nothing happened.
I told him everything and he just disappeared.
I remember the last time I saw him, a depressed expression came across his face as he gave me a hug .
things will never be the same without him........
Who am I going to talk to now when I get sad or feel lonely?
Who's gonna make me laugh when these girls make me upset?
He was more than just a friend to me he was more like my day-brighter.
And I really do miss him there's not a day that goes by I don't think of him.
You might think I'm crazy or something but I don't care.
I've moved on but he is still my bestie til the end..........

Aunt Valery

the closet person to my heart has been taken away from without warning.
It took her so fast i didnt even get a chance to say good- bye.
Without her life has no meaning so why even bother. She helped me and my mother through our toughest times and if i could i would say "thank you and i love you so much " I wish she could stay here longer she was like the last stongest woman in my family and now she's just gone but i admire her because she encouraged me to keep up with my writing and my goals/dreams i only wish she could be here and see how far I have gotten........
R.I.P. Aunt valery i love you so much............

My life summary

Life has its ups and its downs but when i met a person named Jorge Torres aka my big brutha he made me feel like life was worth living. I always felt like it was my fault my cousins died but he convinced me that it wasn't he just wants me to focus more on my dreams in becoming a model and a singer im working hard at it but it seems like life is giving me its worst right now i could really use some encouragement.....

This is so far the worst year i have ever been through my family turned their backs on us , I thought families was suppose to be like your support system but i guess i thought wrong...

My dad's side has been dying like crazy R.I.P. Grandma Fonteller,Aunt Jackie,Rachel,Deausha,Michael Zigler, Aunt Valerie) Why must they go these were people close to my heart and the were just taken away from me they may be gone but never forgotten I love each and everyone of them but i cant change the world by myself need a little help with that one...

Its tearing me apart because i want this place to be a better place and i don't want to lose anyone else. My biggest fear in life is to lose my mom, my dad, and my siblings(its alot of us)

But why must life be so damn hard? Why cant it be like a peace heaven?

What's the point in trying to change it if its almost done for me at least........ Life has its ups and downs but life it like a drama.....